When you find a great new gadget or food or store, what do you naturally want to do? You want to share it with others. You are excited about it and talk about it when socializing with others. When you meet someone who expresses a need for it, you get especially excited to tell them about this thing or place that you know will solve their problem or that they will enjoy. What if they look at you like you’re crazy or reject what you have to say? This happens to me almost daily.
Sometimes I feel like knowledge is one of my worst enemies. Why? Because I always seem to have knowledge that no one else wants even though it is highly valuable to their life.
My life is equivalent to watching someone bleed to death while holding a gauze pad or witnessing someone hanging from a cliff by the tips of their fingers while holding a rope. The worst part is that I’m trying to use the gauze pad and the rope but no one wants it. They don’t think they need it. They’ll be fine. Or, they understand that something is wrong but they don’t see how the pad or the rope will help. What good are those things? I see people drowning who are refusing a life ring. It’s torture. My saving knowledge – spiritually, emotionally, mentally , & physically – is my worst enemy. It is just plain torture. I’d rather not have the life-saving tools if no one wants them. If I have to watch you die, I’d rather join you in the lack of having an answer rather than watching you die while holding the answer in my hands.
I absolutely, positively love to learn. I hoard information. I love to research and become knowledgable in areas that matter. As much as I love to learn, I also love to help others. For me, there is no greater reward than using my passion for learning as a way to help other people by sharing that life-saving or life-improving knowledge.
My current situation is that I learn and learn and learn yet nobody realizes they need this information, or if they do, they are in denial that they need it – it’s just too hard. It seems people would rather suffer and die than change their habits. So, I am in a dilemma. God has given me this passion for learning and for helping others. Yet, people don’t want help. So, I become a balloon filled with knowledge so full that I feel I may bust. Meanwhile people around me are suffering but they think it’s normal so they don’t even notice it. I have answers – answers that will change everything. Do they want it? Nah! They don’t even believe they need it.
I need one of the following to happen: Either people need to want my life ring or I don’t want to have one. Having a life ring while people drown and not being able to give it to them is horrible! There is no outlet for my passion. For this reason I miss counseling. I’m looking for another way to use my passions.
I understand that changes are hard. I understand that it’s not pleasant or easy. Trust me… I, of all people, truly understand. But, if you are not happy where you are, then why not change? If you are drowning and there is a life ring…why wouldn’t you want it? If your child is drowning and there’s a life ring, why wouldn’t you use it? I understand not wanting help when there’s nothing to help, nothing wrong. But, for me when something went wrong, I was open to help. I wanted answers. I was willing to do whatever it took. I cannot understand why other people don’t feel that way. I’m usually very good about putting myself in someone else’s shoes and understanding where they are coming from. But, in this case, I can’t do it. My brain cannot comprehend the complacency people have with their problems and their lack of motivation to improve their lives, their health, or their spiritual position.
I don’t want to stop learning because I love learning, but I feel that each time I learn something new it’s another life ring I possess that no one wants. It’s another person I could help that doesn’t want to be helped. I am standing beside the deep end of the pool while many people are drowning and I am gathering life rings like a hoarder. Why do I want to save people more than they want to save themselves? How can I be less caring?
Today I am desperate to understand. PLEASE share your thoughts with me!